Let’s talk exams, culture, and stress
For most of us African parents raising kids in the UK, having a child in Year 11 is not just a milestone, it’s a full-blown initiation. The past few months? A rollercoaster, a sprint, and a spiritual battle all rolled into one.
In my house, it felt more like a marathon. And not the fun kind with medals, music, and cheering crowds. More like the sweaty, dehydrated, “who sent me message?” kind. My son sat his GCSEs this summer, and the results landed just last week. Let me tell you, the whole journey tested me him.
Who do you think was more stressed?
Him, buried in past papers, or me, pacing the kitchen, pretending I wasn’t counting how long he’d been on YouTube instead of studying? It was me. He revised, I hyperventilated. Every time he took a break, I developed an imaginary ulcer. The stress was real. I wasn’t the one sitting the exams, but I might as well have been because my sleep schedule didn’t survive either.
GCSEs are a family affair
Here’s what we don’t talk about enough, GCSEs don’t just happen to the kids. They happen to the whole household.
The constant reminders of “go and read your books.”
The snack bills that rival Christmas shopping.
The guilt trip that maybe, just maybe, we should have enrolled them in Kumon or extra Maths from age three.
And let’s not pretend we’re not secretly Googling “how many marks to pass Foundation Maths” at 2am.
We don’t talk about the family-wide tension, when we start whispering in our own house like we’re disturbing a surgeon in theatre. Or how the family group chat goes from “Happy birthday aunty!” to “Praying for your son’s Maths paper today 🙏🏾.”
At my son’s school, the teachers were doing overtime plus ministry work. Revision classes after school and on weekends, pep talks that had me tempted to ask for a parent-sized seat and the dedication was unreal.
Shout out to Mr Blant! if you ever see this, may your coffee never go cold and your printer never jam. The support they gave was more than academic, it was emotional, motivational, and deeply human. And we rarely get to see that side as parents. These teachers weren’t just teaching, they were holding these kids together, sometimes more than we could.
This generation is carrying more
Now that results are out and we’ve all (just about) exhaled, here’s something I need to say with my full chest:
These kids are carrying a pressure we never knew. Back in the day, our parents had one instruction: “Just pass.” That was it. There was no Pinterest-worthy revision timetable, no flashcards on the fridge, no mindfulness breathing techniques.
We crammed. We wrote. We passed or failed. And that was the end.
But our kids? They’re expected to perform, process their emotions, manage their mental health, and have a “vision board” for their future all before they’ve finished puberty. It’s not just educational. It’s emotional. Mental. Psychological. Spiritual.
Like I told my friend T, our kids aren’t just writing exams, they’re surviving a system that was never built with them in mind.
So… what now?
I’ve decided to run a mini-series webinar for us parents on how to support our kids before and after GCSEs. Because if I nearly lost my mind with one child, I know I’m not alone.
We’ll be unpacking:
- What actually works in preparing them (and ourselves)
- How to manage our own stress so we don’t pass it on
- Balancing our cultural expectations with realistic goals
- How to celebrate effort, not just results
- The MANY options available beyond traditional sixth form routes
Because we now live in “the abroad.” Things have changed. Not every child is going to be a doctor, engineer, or lawyer, and that’s not a failure.
We need to start talking about:
- Apprenticeships
- Vocational pathways
- Creative industries
- Gap years
- Mental health
- And yes, what it means to raise whole children, not just high-achieving ones.
If this sounds like something you need, sign up for the webinar here → link.
Whether you’re recovering from results day or gearing up for next year, let’s build this village together.
To the parents: Breathe
If you’ve found yourself clenching your jaw for three months straight, I see you.
If you haven’t had a full night’s sleep since April, same here.
If you’ve ever said “read your book” more times than “good morning,” you’re not alone.
We survived this round. Let’s not do the next one blindly.
To the children: You did that
Whether you got the grades you hoped for or not, you showed up, and in a world that often forgets how hard that is, that matters.
Cry, celebrate, reflect, but don’t forget to breathe too. You’ve made it through something big, and we are so proud of you.
Here’s wishing you nothing but good things on your next chapter.
—
With love, jittery nerves, and leftover exam snacks,
– The African Parent
